Losing Your Heart to Grief
by Percyjacksonfan3
Summary: Percy dies and Annabeth's still alive. My friends, there is something seriously wrong with that statement. A one-shot detailing Annabeth's feelings after she loses Him, showing just how much someone can depend on a person and just how badly it hurts when they're gone. It's angsty, cause I seem to be a master at those lately. Very good though, give it a try will you? T to be safe.


**Disclaimer: I don't own anything PJO or HOO. That stuff all belongs to Rick Riordan guys, geez...**

oooOOOooo

That feeling that doesn't go away just did  
And I walked a thousand miles to prove it  
And I'm caught in the crossfire of my own thoughts  
The color of my blood is all I see on the rocks  
As you sail from me

Alarms will ring for eternity  
The waves will break every chain on me  
My bones will bleach  
My flesh will flee  
So help my lifeless frame to breathe

And God knows I'm not dying but I bleed now  
And God knows it's the only way to heal now  
With all the blood I lost with you  
It drowns the love I thought I knew

The lost dreams are buried in my sleep for him  
And this was the ecstasy of a love forgotten  
And I'm thrown in the gunfire of empty bullets  
And my blood is all I see  
As you steal my soul from me

Alarms will ring for eternity  
The waves will break every chain on me

And God knows I'm not dying but I bleed now  
And God knows it's the only way to heal now  
With all the blood I lost with you  
It drowns the love I thought I knew

oooOOOooo

This time he really had left her. And she was broken because of it. Completely, unsalvagebly, broken.

It had started out so completely and utterly normal. That's what Annabeth couldn't understand. Not the fact that he was gone- she understood that all too clearly what with the way her heart was barely even fluttering in her chest and the pain that made everything so unreal- no, nor the fact that everyone was crying except her.

Annabeth couldn't understand how a day so normal and common could become the worst day of her life in only seconds.

This wasn't a breakup, it wasn't something that could be fixed. He was gone. Gone, with no hope of coming back. What could ever make anything okay about that? What could ever happen to make Annabeth feel even a little bit better?

She could go too. Maybe that would help. At least then she would be with him.

She shook her head. If she did that, the Fates would punish her for it. They would make sure she was placed in Tartarus or the Fields of Asphodel. Not with him, not in Elysium.

Then again, she reasoned, Tartarus would be nothing compared to this. It would probably serve as a minor distraction, but Annabeth's pain would not leave her if she went to Tartarus. It would only make her torture even worse.

It was so painful it was almost painless. Any other time that would have scared her, but right now she couldn't muster up the energy. Anyways, it seemed appropriate, didn't it? She had loved him so much, had needed him so much that she had been happier than any one person had a right to be. Now the Fates were punishing her, making her a shell, something that wasn't even alive. He had made her so... alive, happy, in love that now she was feeling the repurcussions of those emotions. She had gotten him for too long so they had taken him away and left her behind to drown in her emptiness and pain.

Pain. That word didn't describe a fraction of what she was feeling but Annabeth doubted there was a word in any language that would. This was beyond pain, beyond hurt... it was beyond agony. It was the most intense, consuming emotion Annabeth had ever experienced, and by far the worst.

And she suspected it was permanent.

She had heard the other campers talking to Chiron. Had heard him say that this was not depression, was not an illness.

It was grief. The worst grief, beyond imaginable for someone who had not seen Annabeth Chase.

She was not dealing with it. She made no effort to move forward, to try to live again, because what was life without him? For a time she had experienced being with the one person she loved, for deep and for true. Had lived with the boy who had unknowingly become essential to her, a lifesource of sorts. If she tried to move forward she would leave him behind, and Annabeth could never, ever do that.

She had never been able to leave Percy behind. Not really.

To move forward and live again would mean to forget him and Annabeth could not bear that. Because as bad as this pain was, as much as she wanted it to stop, she knew it was worth it to be able to stay with him a little longer.

This was the last emotion he would evoke in her, and Annabeth was going to make sure she didn't lose it.

If she went to visit him, would Hades let her leave with him, she wondered? She doubted it.

But if she ever saw him again, whether it be his ghost, a dream or actually him, she knew she would never leave him again. Not even for a second. She would attach herself to him, feeding and growing strong from his life like an infection preying on the strength of others. So if she did go to Hades for him, and the god wouldn't let her take him back, she knew it would be a one way trip.

She missed him. She missed him more than anything could ever miss something. A person should not live suffering this much. A person would rather die than live this way.

And Annabeth suspected that was where she was headed. It takes more than eating and sleeping for a girl with a shattered heart to live. When someone gives up the will to live, you can't keep them alive for long no matter what you do.

She was already going, she could feel it. She was skinnier than she ever remembered, she hadn't showered in... had it been days or weeks? She wasn't living, Annabeth Chase was dead, it was only her body that was left. And even that was slowly giving up it's fight. Each heartbeat felt weaker, every breath seemed shallower. She was getting sick, her body was alternating between shivering and sweating, and Annabeth never moved anymore. She stared blankly at anything, too wrapped up in thoughts and memories to care what it was.

She was in her room, at her dads place. He had left her alone for the first time in days, going to cook something to eat, and Annabeth hoped he wouldn't come back. Somewhere deep in her she knew she should feel guilty for causing him so much worry but she didn't feel much these days.

Just that ever constant pain...

Her mom had even come to visit her once, and she had come in person.

Annabeth remembered only one thing her mother said to her.

"Percy may have given you life while he was with you, but he has also taken it away."

And it was true, she realized. Percy was the one who caused her this, who made her so... un-human. This was not Annabeth Chase, anybody who had known her Before would see that clearly.

But then again, as she had noticed before, Annabeth Chase was gone now. She had gone when her other half did.

There was no way she could ever blame him though. This was as much her fault as his. If she had saved him, if she hadn't told him to drive to Camp to see her that day that drunk driver wouldn't have rammed into him and...

She was hyperventilating now, unable to cope with the thoughts in her head. If it wasn't for her, or that drunk driver...

He would still be here, with her. And that knowledge, that possibilty, weakened Annabeth more than anything. Survivor's Guilt may be the medical term, but this ran much deeper.

Gods, she hadn't even _been there._

But she had _felt_ it. The moment Percy's heart had given it's final beat (the time had been exactly 3:02 pm, she had gotten a call at exactly 3:34) Annabeth's heart had lurched, her stomach had heaved, her brain had fuzzed and gone out of focus...

And Percy had died.

Her dad didn't know what to do. Annabeth vaguely remembered seeing multiple therapists, going in to the hospital to be tested to see if it was anything mental. Nothing had helped. And now, almost a year after That Day, at the saddeningly young age of 19, Annabeth was close to dying.

She would welcome it when it came, she knew. But, cowardly thing that she was, she hoped it would come to her in sleep, painlessly.

Lovers were supposed to die _together_, wasn't that how it worked? They didn't live without each other, they were a pair. One and the same. Till death do us part I will love you, those were the wedding vows; but Annabeth knew it lasted much longer than that. They vowed to forsake all others while both were still living but Annabeth knew that if they had loved each other like she and Percy did-had... they would forsake all others until death.

Annabeth should have died with Percy. They should have gone together, should have stayed together. Annabeth should have left this world with Percy beside her, that was how it _worked_.

But Percy had always been good at breaking the rules.

oooOOOooo

**So here it is... not sure where this came from. I've just been feeling a lot of emotions lately and (while I haven't experienced anything as bad as this) I tried to convey how deep and just how much this would hurt. I imagine Annabeth not being able to cope with Percy being gone and being the dreadful depressing person that I am I decided to plague you all with it as well!**

**Review! Please, it's all I ask of you! **

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**Love you all!**

**Percyjacksonfan3**


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